


Sacrifice

by DeltaS



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Conflict, Epilogue - "Counterpoint", F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 20:25:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7068787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeltaS/pseuds/DeltaS
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An add-on scene following "Counterpoint".  Tempers rise in a discussion about deceptions, then explode into a barrage of accusations.  Finally some truths surface from the heat of the moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sacrifice

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written and posted in August 1999

~*~

_"Mutual misunderstanding_  
After the fact  
Sensitivity builds a prison  
In the final act. 

_We lose direction_  
No stone unturned  
No tears to damn you  
When jealousy burns. 

_Cold, cold heart_  
Hard done by you  
Some things look better…  
Just passing through. 

_And it’s no sacrifice_  
Just a simple word  
It’s two hearts living  
In two separate worlds.  
But it’s no sacrifice  
No sacrifice  
It’s no sacrifice at all." 

\--- Elton John/Bernie Taupin

~*~

Kathryn Janeway sat on the bridge, the solitary survivor on a psychological battlefield. The Devorans were gone. They had silently slinked off Voyager, noiseless and skulking, like defeated mongrel dogs.

The bridge crew rushed in, responding to her "all clear" command. Their elated spirits, brought on by the brilliant ingenuity of their captain, precipitated a buzz of chatter and laughter. They quickly assumed their places; nine pairs of eyes turned towards the immobile figure sitting in the conn chair.

"Mr. Paris, set course to clear Taharan space." Kathryn Janeway’s words were firm and emotionless, her eyes staring out into the void, cold lasers cutting into frozen vacuum.

"Yes, ma’am!" responded Voyager’s helmsman, entering the coordinates enthusiastically.

A sigh accompanied her as she rose. Without turning, she stated, "I’ll be in my ready room." Her regal posture and pace belied the emotions surging within her. Even the doors to her sanctuary seemed to anticipate her need for solitude, as they appeared to open even before she reached the motion sensor area, requesting entrance.

Chakotay watched her from the moment she got up. He knew that stance… that attitude. She was upset about her decision. He had an idea about why she was upset, and it had nothing to do with overcoming the Devorans. It had to do with the fact that she had not been able to look him straight in the eyes for more than two days… with her avoidance of his presence and counsel. So… you really are human; you really do have a heart that can be broken, he thought. Welcome to the club, Kathryn!

He turned his attention to the duties of the bridge. "Mr. Tuvok, where are our ‘friends’ now?"

"The Devorans are approximately 50,000 kilometers away, and will soon be entering subspace. Their destination appears to be as far away from us as possible," the Vulcan stated.

"And our course, Mr. Paris?"

"We’ll be out of Taharan space in 1 hour and 23 minutes, sir. I can’t detect any problems in holding this bearing."

"Very good," the executive officer nodded, rising from his command post. "Mr. Tuvok, you have the bridge. I’m going to see if the captain needs any assistance in writing up her report."

He stopped momentarily, as if reassessing his decision. He turned and started to say something to Tuvok, who was walking to the command post.

"Commander?" Voyager’s third-in-command queried.

Chakotay shook his head. "It’s nothing, Tuvok; nothing."

Walking with an uncustomary uncertainty, he reached her door and buzzed. There was no immediate response. He self-consciously started to request admittance again when the doors opened, revealing a dimly lit room.

"Captain…" he began.

An unseen, unknown voice answered him. "Chakotay."

A chilling breeze grazed his back as the doors closed behind him. His eyes finally found her, looking out the wide viewport, her focus and mind somewhere in a part of space that was not that of Voyager.

He slowly walked over to her, stopping short of reaching her, as an invisible force field denied him passage into her space. He remained motionless, waiting for her to speak.

"Well, that’s over," she finally said. "He’s… they’re gone." She turned around and looked at her friend. "Quite a little piece of beguiling betrayal, wasn’t it?" she asked, her voice now full of sweet venom.

"On who’s part… his or yours, Kathryn? Your performance was pretty polished, too. It seemed like he never suspected a thing."

Her eyes were glistening, "Yes; it was pretty good, wasn’t it?" she laughed bitterly. "Maybe I should take up an acting career when we get back to the Alpha Quadrant." She walked to the side of the window and leaned against the wall, her eyes once more scanning the void. "And… I almost believed him. I almost… almost…" Her voice was pinched and strained, trailing off into unspoken thoughts.

"Almost what, Kathryn?" Chakotay asked softly, as he came over to her, this time ignoring the pain inflicted by her isolation.

She looked at him, her eyes almost overflowing, their wordless message telling him the whole story.

Now it was Chakotay’s turn to laugh --- a quiet desperate chortle. "So… it is true. The immovable, untouchable Kathryn Janeway does have a heart after all. Well, all I can say is that it’s about time. How did he manage to get through to you?" He turned and walked away, willing his emotions into a more calm state.

"Chakotay… please. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I… I honestly believed that he wanted to defect… that he really… cared. He was so… so…"

"Melodramatic?" Chakotay continued. "Is that what you like, Kathryn? Someone with a sucker story and a plea for help?" His contained temper was surfacing. "That’s interesting; you’ve never fallen for this story before!"

"Chakotay, you’re not being fair!"

"Oh… I’m not? Kathryn, he had you lapping from his hand like a puppy. That was fairly evident. This was one time your galaxy-famous poker face didn’t work." Chakotay began a slow pace across the open area.

Now it was her turn to issue a nervous little laugh. "Chakotay, you’re acting like a jilted lover. And jealousy does not become you," she retorted.

He turned, his dark eyes aflame with smoldered memories. "Jilted lover? Ha! That’s a good one! One has to be a lover first before one can be jilted!" His pacing tempo took on a new determination. "And frankly, my dear Kathryn, at this point in time, I think I’m fortunate to never have been in that position. You know, Tom had you cast perfectly in his little holodeck story --- Queen Arachnia… a spider woman who destroys anyone who loves her."

His words, not softened into a gentle parable, were direct and stinging.

"You’re hitting pretty low now, mister," she spat back at him.

"Am I?" he continued, feeling a courage in venting himself of five years of feelings. "Kathryn, if we had made it back to the Alpha Quadrant as soon as your original mission was completed, and you and Mark had married, I think that the marriage would have been over within three years."

She chortled. "Oh? And why do you say that, Mr. Counselor?"

"Because… you eat men like an afternoon snack. You play with them, tease them, and when you’ve gotten what you want from them, you toss them away. I’ve never met Mark, but something tells me that he would have been a shell after only a few years of the Janeway treatment. Spirits know that you’ve just about done me in."

She wasn’t going to let this end. She caught up with him, her hands reaching for his shoulders and grasping him in a claw-like grip.

"How dare you?’ she seethed, her fingernails digging into his flesh. "Mark Johnson is everything I’ve ever wanted in a man… as a partner and a lover!" He reached up and pulled her hands away, enclosing and immobilizing them within his large hands. He shook his head.

"No… Mark is all of that to you because he’s now only a shadow in your past. Kathryn, you magnify your memories to suffocate your realities."

"And just what does all of this have to do with my… relationship… with Kashyk?" she hissed.

"Ah, ha! Now this is the interesting thing," Chakotay continued, turning away from her.

Janeway remained in place and assumed her power-stance: head and body stiff and erect, legs spread and her hands on her hips. She wasn’t going to let him win this one!

He turned around to face her, his eyes meeting her eyes, strength for strength.

"I knew… shortly after he left and before the arrival of the last Devoran inspection … that his days were numbered. I knew looking at you that you had felt him… tasted him… and now knew him. But, for this first time, you knew that he was toying with you --- that you were on the plaything end of this little game you have been carrying on for so long." He stopped and laughed nervously. "But, I’ll give you credit --- you’re a very bright woman, and you weren’t going to let him get away with it. So, you wielded your masterstroke plan, of playing back his own deceit to him. The only thing is… you had fallen for him, and all his bravado and charm. He stung you and escaped, only he left his stinger in you, and it hurts."

He took a couple of steps towards her. "It hurts, doesn’t it? Even knowing the horrible outcome of what could have happened if he had seen through our plan. It hurts, to know that he spotted your most vulnerable weakness and twisted and tore at it, leaving you more beaten and bruised than any physical attack ever could have been. This is something that you’ve probably never experienced before, Kathryn, and I know that it hurts."

Her words were barely discernible. "I… I… meant it when I said that we would… I would welcome him aboard if he defected. He said… he said… such beautiful things…"

Chakotay walked over to her, cupping her chin in his hand, forcing her to look at him. "Anything can sound beautiful when you want it to."

She pulled herself away, ashamed that he had seen what her eyes held. "He would have… given me the strength I need to complete this trip."

"Do you really feel that you have no one to lean upon?" he asked, trying to keep a quiver out of his voice. "Just what do you think I meant when I told you when we first met the Borg that I would always be with you… that you were never alone?"

"Chakotay, we’ve been through this a hundred times. I know you’re there for me in a professional way, and I couldn’t have asked for anyone to do a better job as my first officer. You’ve given me sound advice and steered me away from the shoals when I wasn’t headed in the right direction. You have been my anchor in too many storms for me not to acknowledge what you are to me."

"And… just what is that?" he prodded.

She responded, as if by rote. "You are my first officer and my trusted friend."

"Nothing more? Earlier you said I was acting like a jilted lover…"

Janeway became flustered, realizing that he had caught her in her own words. "Well, you were. Acting like one, I mean. I’ve already admitted that there had been… some attraction… between Kashyk and me. And that I had almost been foolish enough to…"

"To what? To admit that you’re a woman with normal feelings and desires? That you have not allowed yourself to act on these feelings for over five years?"

"No!" she lashed out vehemently. "The reason I couldn’t… let myself be seduced was because… because… then I would be unfaithful."

"To Mark? Come on, Kathryn! You got his message! He’s gotten on with his life; he’s married! You can’t be unfaithful to a relationship that no longer exists!"

"No," she now answered calmly. "I felt that I would be unfaithful to a relationship that never has been allowed to exist. I realized that my feelings for him were a substitute for someone that could never be. There is only one other person I have ever known who has captured me with his quiet emotional fire; with the beauty that molds his life; with his passion for ideals." She walked over to him and whispered, "Someone we both know…"

Chakotay smiled. "Tuvok?" he asked, sensing the time for some comic relief.

A well-aimed, good humored hit landed on his chest. "You’re so perceptive!", she laughed.

He joined in. "And that’s why you…"

"And that’s why I love you," she completed in quick, quiet words. "Oh, Chakotay; I nearly lost the ship… the crew… just because I let myself be charmed by a deceitful… user!"

He took her in his arms. "Well, if memory serves me, there have been a couple of times when I allowed that sort of thing to sway me…"

She pulled back, crossing her arms and looking at him with a none-too-sincere scowl. "Oh, so that’s your story about Riley Frazier!"

"Well, it’s true!" he responded pathetically. Even you said that she had ‘used’ me." "That’s because I was trying to convince myself of the fact as well. That was the case, wasn’t it?" she asked with mock seriousness.

"Oh, absolutely," he twinkled. "Remember… at the time, I was delusional and vulnerable." He paused, and then asked soberly. "Kathryn, do you realize what you said just now?"

She hesitated, knowing that he would not let her comment escape. "Yes."

"And you mean it?"

She was silent, and he feared that she would renege on her confession. But she looked at him and stated resolutely, "Yes."

"What are we going to do about it?"

She sighed and shook her head. "I don’t know. I’ve been fighting these feelings for such a long while… and this misplaced side trip into the realm of an emotional whirlpool still has me reeling. I… I’ve got to sort things out a little bit more." She looked up at him. "Kashyk told me that he had read all about Starfleet rules and regulations… he accused me of having --- shall we say --- ‘bent’ the Prime Directive a few times. I couldn’t deny it; I told him sometimes one just had to act on instinct…"

"And what does your instinct tell you now?" he asked.

"It tells me that I’ve known all along where my heart belongs. Only it doesn’t tell me how to work out the myriad of problems that will ensue if I follow where it leads."

He closed the gap between them and gently pulled her towards him.

"I’m sure it will, Kathryn. Just when has your instinct not worked… even over my strenuous protestations? Well, here’s what my instinct tells me to do."

And then he kissed her.


End file.
